GRRRRRRRRR....

Just to get this off my chest right off the bat, this is a letter to someone in the building that needs to get over themselves.

Dear Person-who-needs-to-get-over-yourself,

You have a job you can't just seem to do. I don't want to hear you bitching about it, I don't want to hear you complaining about it, because--honestly?--if the administration tried hard enough, we could find someone far more capable of filling your measley shoes because so far you've done squat and truthfully have no clue what you're doing. You don't do your job right, and when you do have to do something, all you do is whine and get pissy (though this could be a tactic to of show just so that you get out of doing something that you have absolutely no credentials to be doing in the first place, seeing as how you have no clue what you're doing). So do us all a favor and do what your job title says, and quit giving people the cold shoulder and getting all ticked off and having your panties in a twist over the fact that you came to work this morning and were asked to actually work for a change.

Love,
Shauna

p.s. I almost want to ask for the scarf I made you for Christmas back after the way you've been treating me. But I'm not going to because... well, that'd be rude and one of us has to be a decent person. I guess that'll be me.


::Deep breath innnnnnn, and letting it ouuuuuuttttt::

Who says that those yoga classes over the summer for Fellows weren't helpful?

With that being said, today was a much better day than yesterday. Yesterday the kids were all in a tizzy about being back, and couldn't seem to fit their heads onto their shoulders enough to think about learning, let alone do the deed of learning. Their heads were still floating up in the air about new hair styles, new clothes, and the new year.

Second and third hour got to work right away, and were quiet for a change!! It was such a shock to my system that I almost cried out in joy! But I didn't want to let on that I knew about their doing well, only because when I've done it in the past it's gone to their heads and then they're crappy the next day. The last two classes were more of a challenge, but they've always been that way and I'm not quite sure how those dynamics are going to change if they're the same students.

During second hour I got a gift! A seventh grade boy named Amosa gave me a little notepad full of unlined paper; the front has rainbow flowers and a little saying in cursive: "Celebrate each day!" I was just so grateful that I hugged him sideways (as in, not a full-bodied hug because that is a NO NO and very uncomfortable-feeling to do to someone who is a young boy--especially!--or a young girl and is not related to you). He didn't give any reason other than, "I've been meaning to give this to you but I kept forgetting." This is two days in a row that a student has done something kind for me, which makes me wonder if whether something baaaaaaaddd is going to happen next week, because this isn't the usual behavior. I am just so stunned!

Speaking of hugs though... I have a student in the 7th grade who is named Jero* and looks like he could pro-wrestle or maybe even be secretly 25. The boy is LARGE, but very muscular. He can barely speak English, understand hearing spoken English, read it, or write it. I know for a fact that he is in a gang. He is the bane of the existance of most of the staff he has come into contact with, and has a hard time with authority. For the longest time I had a hard time with him as well, but then he suddenly started becoming very studious and trying hard in my classroom.

About a week before 2nd quarter ended, Jero hung around my room after the bell had rung, dragging his feet and picking up the trash on my floor, saying that he had lost some pesos; he's never done that before, so I knew immediately that he wanted to talk about something. He had done an excellent job in my class that day, and I praised him for doing well. His eyes lit up and a big chubby smile graced his face.

"Dank chu, Meez Frankleen, I really do gud? Dat because you my favorite teeeecher. Normally, I do dis (stick his middle finger out and wave it) to my teeechers, but I no do dat to you. I no do dat to you. I like you, Meez Frankleen. Dis my favorite class. Can I juss stay in chere witchu?"

I was touched, mostly because he had never done this before, and also because he had been so troublesome at the beginning of the semester.

I shook my head kindly, "No, I'm sorry Jero, but you can't stay in here. I appreciate you picking up my floor, though. Thank you for that."

Jero paced a little and said, "But, you my favorite teeecher! Can I pleeeeze shtay wit you?"

I shook my head and headed for the door, and Jero followed reluctantly, his head lowered and looking at the floor with an unhappy frown. "Meez Frankleen?"

"Jero?"

Jero paced for a second and then threw his arms around me in a hug. I immediately put some body distance from us, and turned so that my shoulder was into his chest. He burrowed his face and head into my shoulder and neck. "But you my favorite teeecher."

...and then I got a very strange... feeling about this hug. My whole body went tense and a bad tingling went through me, signalling DANGER!!! It wasn't just a hug because he needed one--I'd given out many of those hugs to students who were just having a bad day--but Jero was squeezing, attempting to shorten the space between us so that his crotch would be touching my leg.

I became very uncomfortable, and remembered my little code that I had promised myself at the beginning of teaching:

Rule #1
As a young, moderately attractive, female teacher, never be in the same room with a young man alone.

It took some time, but I finally got Jero to leave without any more very unnerving, uncomfortable hugs. He never tried it again, and he was never in the room alone with me again.

... Until today.

I didn't even notice him sticking around after the bell had rang until I looked at the door and saw the strange pacing he had done that one day. He didn't pick up my floor, but he did hold the door open for everyone leaving.

"Meez Frankleen, can I stay today in your class? I no like my otder classes; I like your class, Meez Frankleen."

I told him no, and asked him politely to leave. (And I am just now remember Jenny V, a fellow teacher, telling me that as people raised to be polite to others, there are some instances where you just can't be polite and I should have remembered that!!!)

He refused to go, and I walked the room picking up items on desks and the floor, telling him repeatedly that I wasn't even going to be around for my planning time, and either way it was precious time spent without students.

I made the mistake of walking by him, and he grabbed me into a hug. Again, I positioned myself far away, and he burrowed his face into my neck and shoulder. Again, the bad, tingly DANGER filled my nerves, and I felt my heartrate quicken and the need to get away. I wanted to throw up from being so scared about not being near the door, and I wanted so much for another person to walk in and get Jero away from me. I was also intensely terrified of someone walking in and seeing Jero hugging me like this, and thinking that something was going on; I didn't want to be branded as one of those sick teachers, the ones who prey on their students.

I patted his arm and explained to him that I needed to go, and that I appreciated that he liked my class that much.

"In fact, I'm really glad that you have a class that you really enjoy and want to stick around for, but you need to go, Jero."

I pried myself away from him. It was a serious feat too, because those arms have some serious muscle to them, and he did not want to let go.

I walked him to the door, the whole time with him muttering and saying how much he didn't want to go to his next class, and that he would help me do something if I needed him to. I was adamant, and starting to calm down. I reached for the door, and opened it partway.

"Pleeze, Meez Frankleen, could I juss have one more hug?"

I sighed. What if I was wrong about him? What if he just didn't get any hugs at home? I mean, I knew his dad had been deported back to Mexico, and his mom was non-existant; and thanks to him cutting all ties with the other teachers, what if I was the only person in the world who gave him the time of day?

"Fine."

I gave him one more hug--my legs sticking out as far as they could, my shoulder into his chest again. A one-armed hug, like the other two times.

But, Jero decided to make this one worse, trying to pull me into a full-bodied hug, literally attempting to twist me around. I jerked away, and opened the door fully.

"Let's go."

I immediately walked him to his class, and ran off to talk to Ashley and Brienne--I was just so creeped out that I didn't even want to be in my room any more!

I'm sad that I'm just not going to be able to trust him anymore to hug him. That was a breach.

I talked to the counselor and she told me that my secret code--not letting male students in the room alone with me--was a good one, and easily forgotten if the student is familiar and good for you. I'm just disappointed is all. What a bummer.